Discover Your ‘Why’ Through Friendship
When it comes to unlocking our purpose and living with intention, there’s one name that often comes to mind, and it's Simon Sinek. His work has inspired millions to dive deeper into understanding their "Why," the driving force behind everything we do. But today, I want to talk about one of his more personal, intimate tools: the "Friends Exercise."
Simon’s work emphasizes that finding your purpose isn’t just about business or success. It’s about connection—specifically, connection with others. That’s where the "Friends Exercise" comes into play. This simple yet profound activity leverages the power of friendships to help you uncover your authentic self and understand your deeper motivations.
Simon Sinek’s: Start With Why
Before we dive into the exercise, let’s take a step back and explore Simon’s philosophy. In his best-selling book, Start with Why, he explains that people and organizations that succeed aren’t just focused on what they do, but why they do it. That “why” is the deeper purpose, cause, or belief that drives them and makes them stand out.
We often think purpose is something we figure out in isolation—like it’s hiding in a journal somewhere, waiting for us to find it after enough self-reflection. But Simon flips that idea on its head. He suggests that we are too close to ourselves to see the real reasons we do things, which is why we need others to help us discover our "Why."
The Friends Exercise: Finding Your 'Why' Through Relationships
Here’s where the "Friends Exercise" comes in. This tool isn’t complicated, but its impact can be life-changing. It goes like this: think about the closest friends in your life—the people who know you better than anyone else. Now, ask them a simple but deep question: “Why are we friends?”
At first, this might seem strange, even awkward. Your friends might respond with surface-level answers like, "Because you're fun" or "We have similar interests." But Simon encourages us to dig deeper. Push them to think about the real reasons—how you make them feel, what impact you’ve had on their lives, and why they value you beyond the usual niceties.
Here’s the beauty of the exercise: when people describe why they value you as a friend, they’re actually reflecting the impact you have on their lives—the emotional fingerprint you leave. Often, the way we influence others holds clues to our own “Why.”
The exercise is less about specific qualities you have and more about the emotional connection you create. Do you make people feel understood, inspired, or safe? Are you the friend who’s always there to help others find clarity, or maybe you’re the one who makes them laugh and feel lighter? The words your friends use often reveal aspects of your purpose that you might not have even realized were there.
What We Can Learn From the "Friends Exercise"
The power of this exercise lies in its simplicity. It removes the guesswork and gives you real feedback from the people who have experienced your "Why" in action—your friends. And here’s the thing: when we connect with our "Why," it doesn’t just help us in our personal lives; it changes everything—our work, our relationships, and how we interact with the world.
This isn’t just about self-discovery; it’s about self-affirmation. Often, we struggle to recognize our strengths and the unique value we bring to the world because we’re too caught up in our own narrative. But when you hear from the people who matter most, it’s like holding up a mirror that reflects not just who you are but why you matter.
How to Apply the 'Friends Exercise' in Your Own Life
If you’re ready to take on this exercise, here’s how to start:
1. Choose the Right Friends: Select friends who truly know you and whom you trust to give honest, heartfelt answers. The deeper the connection, the more meaningful the insight.
2. Ask the Key Question: When you ask, “Why are we friends?” be prepared for initial light-hearted answers. That’s natural. But don’t be afraid to press a little further: “What is it about me that makes you want to be friends with me?”
3. Listen Closely: Pay attention to the emotional responses, not just the words. Do they mention how you make them feel supported, inspired, or understood? These are the clues to your "Why."
4. Reflect and Connect the Dots: After you’ve gathered answers, reflect on them. You might notice a common theme emerging. Maybe several friends describe you as someone who brings clarity or comfort, or perhaps they mention your ability to inspire or motivate them. These insights point to the deeper impact you have on others—and that’s the foundation of your "Why."
We Don’t Discover Purpose Alone
Simon Sinek’s "Friends Exercise" reminds us that purpose isn’t something we find by isolating ourselves and searching inward. It’s something we discover through our relationships, by looking at how we show up in the lives of others. Purpose is tied to connection, and our friends often see our gifts more clearly than we do.
So, if you’re feeling lost or struggling to connect with your deeper “Why,” take a moment to reach out to your friends. Let them be the mirror that reflects the true impact you have on the world. Because ultimately, your purpose isn’t just about you—it’s about the way you leave a lasting impression on the people who matter most.
In the end, understanding your "Why" isn’t just a personal journey. It’s a shared one, and the people who walk that path with you can help illuminate the way forward. Take the time to ask, listen, and learn—and let your friendships guide you toward a deeper understanding of who you are and why you’re here.