You Are Who You Surround Yourself With

Not everyone is your friend, let's be honest. Something i've noticed about myself is that when I catch someone saying negative things about another person, I feel less highly of them. It makes me feel as though they are insecure or untrustworthy. Sure, noticing something about someone is one thing, but to harp on it or to talk down on them based on an opinion is unattractive to me.

I'll give you two real life examples of this. The first one being the boyfriend of one of my friends. When the three of us are out, he makes snide remarks about strangers on the street.

He points out their outfits, plastic surgery they have had done, says they are seeking attention. She then joins in and now both of them are talking shit about people who are just going about their day, minding their own business. Every single time this happens I get the ick, because he's operating on such a low vibration and brings her down to his level while I try to diffuse the situation and change the subject, or say I actually like that girls outfit and just because she put effort into it doesn't mean she's seeking male attention.

Reflecting back onto these moments now makes me question if I even want to be friends with these people. That's how you should be thinking too.

One of my favorite things about my friend group is that each and every one of them is consistenly introducing me to new and interesting people. I've made so many good friends just by RSVPing to dinners and birthday brunches and so on.

The other night was no different, a great group of girls got together for dinner and bonded over similar experiences, entrepreneurial journeys, and so on. I was really enjoying the company and feeling optimistic about the potential friendships that would be made that evening. One of the girls was running late, and the conversation changed direction and the group (who all knew her, but I didn't) started discussing her personal life.

They brought up her failed relationship, how she had had been doing so poorly since then, her multiple therapists and how she had been self-soothing through random hook-ups with men instead of properly healing. It became obvious that everyone was over her shenanigans, and I heard more about her private life than anyone needed to prior to meeting her.

When she arrived, the tune had changed and they all pretended like they were best friends with her. I did catch a few looks being shot across the table when she would bring up her ex, but she was blissfully unaware of the conversation that had occurred before she showed up fashionably late.

As entertaining those conversations can be, what I learned in that moment was that this group of women could never be trusted with intimate details about MY life. Surely, if they talk about a long-time close friend of theirs that way, they wouldn't hesitate to do the same with me.

It's important to decipher what box to put people into when you meet them. I like to consider people as assets or liabilities. You can dive deeper into that and say, "I met this person and they are an asset in that they can help me professionally" and put them in that box and don't try to fit them into other areas of your life. Or, perhaps in time if a relationship grows you can move them over into your personal life as well (if they deserve it).

This group of girls could be great to learn from as they were quite entrepreneurial, but when it comes to sharing the in's and out's of my life? Absolutely not.